The Consequences of Love and Rules

What happens when the line of professionalism is crossed with the line of love? The answer is found when a prison official quits her job for the man she loves.

(SALEM) - Recently an acquaintance of mine broke some professional rules - the rules of conduct as a professional in the State of Oregon Corrections facility. She was someone I recently worked with on one of my shows, a person I found to be professional, a nice person, and a gentle person, as her name depicts – Fay Gentle.

Recent news stories revealed the consequences when the line of professionalism versus the line of love is crossed. The results are two lives turned upside down.

As a professional working in any of the helping fields, whether as a counselor, a therapist, a doctor or a teacher, there is the written rule of no personal fraternizing with clients or students. This line is not subtle or invisible. It is something professionally acknowledged by individuals who enter any of the helping fields. If the line is crossed and one has the common sense to realize it has been, then they must make the decision to disclose it, leave the profession, and get on with their lives in other directions. Apparently, this is what Gentle has done.

Gentle became the target of a controversy when last month she quit her $64,000 a year job as the training/transitions coordinator at the Oregon State Correctional Institution, stating the reasons for leaving was because of her feelings for Philip Demeyer, a convicted murderer. Demeyer has completed his incarceration and is on parole. Gentle knew the decisions being made would affect her professional career. She also knew she loved Philip. Actually, that is all we need to know.

What I find the most troublesome is the double message we are sending to individuals who have completed their time in the State’s penal system. During their incarceration, they are told they can turn their lives around and if they are truly interested in doing this, and they are given the tools and help to do so. If upon completion of their sentence they have paid their dues and have atoned to a higher power, is it not reasonable for them to expect to find a new life for themselves. Should not Demeyer be able to aspire to find a life with someone he loves?

Gentle and Demeyer are adults, not children. Maybe Gentle should have removed herself from her position sooner, once they realized they had deep feelings towards each other, but if any of you reading this have ever been in love and feel you have finally met the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you know sometimes common sense just goes out the proverbial window and the heart starts leading the way.

We all face difficult choices during our life, and sometimes we have to weigh consequences knowing the decisions we make could very well be life altering. This is what has happened with Fay Gentle. She may have made some wrong decisions in delaying her actions and some of you may say she made the wrong decision in falling in love with a felon, but so what. It is her life and his. What happened before they met is irrelevant and what is going to happen to their future has to be left to fate – theirs.

In reading the State of Oregon Code of Ethics for the Corrections Department, has Gentle complied with the ethics? She fulfilled her duty by leaving her position and informing her supervisors of her relationship.

Department Introduces Code of Ethics As an employee, volunteer or contract service provider of the Oregon Department of Corrections, I will value and maintain the highest ideals of professional and compassionate public service by respecting the dignity, cultural diversity and human rights of all persons, and protecting the safety and welfare of the public. I accept that my fundamental duty is to serve the public; to safeguard lives and property, to protect Department of Corrections incarcerated persons against deception, oppression or intimidation, violence or disorder.
I will be constantly mindful of the welfare of others. To the best of my ability, I will remain calm in the face of danger and maintain self-restraint in the face of scorn or ridicule.
I will be honest and truthful. I will be exemplary in obeying the law, following the regulations of the department, and reporting dishonest or unethical conduct. I acknowledge that I have been selected for a position of public trust and I will constantly strive to be worthy of that trust and to be true to the mission and values of the Department of Corrections. oregon.gov/DOC/PUBAFF/newsletters/cb_998.shtml

We need to ask ourselves: Has the public in anyway been damaged by this relationship? According to her supervisor, while in her position as training/transition coordinator, Fay Gentle did a good job. Let’s leave her alone and let her get on with her life...

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noone August 21, 2009 12:03 am (Pacific time)

Here is the skinny. This convict that i guess fell in love is fooling himself and his life. I couldnt imagine doing that much time only to get released to another prison. When he was in jail all he knew was the inside and now that he is out all he knows is the reaaly sweet guard, dont blame him much when he was locked up but damb man why did you even get out?

gary May 30, 2007 1:34 pm (Pacific time)

Perhaps Ms. Gentle should have divorced her husband before her feelings overwhelmed her. The fact that she took this "prisoner" out of state at the tax payers money should have been reviewed before her resignation. The fact that she's 20 yrs. older should tell us that he's there for the transistion back into society and will soon be gone once he's established back into the real world. Who else did he have to "fall in love" with..I'm sure he'll find someone else.

Anonymous April 26, 2007 5:33 pm (Pacific time)

I don't think any one will read this but I found this artical about my teacher, and I wanted to say that leaving that job was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. She is an awesome person. you can not judge her for this unless you know her. And by the way, she got offered another state job that will put her up even farther than she was.

JAFO; February 28, 2007 6:23 am (Pacific time)

nice one Henry, thought provoking C M D.

Hank Ruark February 28, 2007 6:10 am (Pacific time)

C-M: Society of Professional Journalists completely understood. It was contrast with reality here that drew comparison. Disclosure: Sons in profession have had SPJ awards over years, as have I. NOT ethics-connected !!

Curmudgeon February 28, 2007 3:02 am (Pacific time)

Henry, in rereading your previous posts I am unsure if you understood that my reference to SPJ is not a typo for the Statesman Journal, but refers to the Society of Professional Journalists. I am unaware if Gannett or Statesman Journal has their own code. Just clarifying for you.

Hank Ruark February 27, 2007 4:00 pm (Pacific time)

C-M: Spoken from your own strong experience and appreciated here. Absolutely right on re Community Press, and feel that is only one of many similar situations, some of which I can solidly document. Fortunately, merchant choice now via technology and other changes is wreaking "vengeance of the market" which ultimately sinks every monopoly of its own malign weight. I dunno why the wait is so long, given average intelligence among business here. Will shoot along further bckgrnd when your e-mailer arrives. Salute, sir ! This is dialog as intended...

Curmudgeon February 27, 2007 2:08 pm (Pacific time)

Hank, to answer your question " Would you feel differently about this content simply due to label 'Op Ed' ?", the answer is no. The content is acceptable, even though I may disagree. I just think it is something that would more appropriately be a blog or Op Ed, and not masquerading as news. Some may think that is splitting hairs, but I see it as journalistic integrity. Asking myself if I would still have posted here had it been labeled Op Ed, the answer is yes. But my post would have been limited to my comments on the content. I fully understand why the media acts as it does these days. It seems that we have gotten to the point where the "bottom line" is all that matters. You've been around long enough that I'm sure you remember the ill-fated Community Press. I thoroughly enjoyed that paper while it lasted. Limited as it was, I found it superior to the SJ. Then the greedy bastards at Gannett/Statesman Journal literally ran them out of business, illegally and unethically, to eliminate the competition. I was pleased when the Community Press subsequently won a lawsuit against G/SJ. But I was disappointed that there wasn't a large punitive damage awarded. There should have been. I have sent an email to the newsroom for you.

Hank Ruark February 27, 2007 7:59 am (Pacific time)

C-M: Rapid offline response tells me to remind you that even Leg. has own-built "code of ethics|...such as it has proven to be. SPJ has joined others in recognition of denigration from its Code, including some chain-damages due to staff slashes and resulting overwork --and I have in file some very intriguing dialog locally re this same code and corporate statements, too. Would you feel differently about this content simply due to label "Op Ed" ? If so you may wish to examine your own content-criteria in pure self-defense prior to next exposure to distortion or perversion. My PDF details why corporate slavies act in corporate interest, always and forever, and applies to any chain-daily situation, inevitably...if they don't, they long-gone !!

Hank Ruark February 27, 2007 6:47 am (Pacific time)

C-M: Yr point re her reaction demonstrates inbuilt response affecting us all...I read her words differently, due to personal perspective. That makes for great dialog but is disastrous for agreement...which is what's wrong with the world in general !!

HANK RUARK February 27, 2007 6:27 am (Pacific time)

C-M,old friend: Appreciate the tone, content and intention of yours-last. Sets frame beautifully for ongoing dialog, which is why I offered professional study just prior to yours. Yr choice of SJ is helpful since Gannett is known for such while paying attention only and always to the dollar. We should extend this directly, so please ID to S-N and we can do so in depth. Again, we 95%-agree; Op Ed label helpful bu no cure for running fevers caused by distortion (choice and inadvertence) or perversion (done for the dollar-policy).

Curmudgeon February 26, 2007 8:35 pm (Pacific time)

Hank, always good to hear your point of view on things, even though is it sometimes very different than my own. For the most part we agree here, but I do have a different take on some points. I certainly agree that objective, balanced reporting has been a myth throughout most of the history of journalism. One of the most interesting and informative writings on the subject is the book Infamous Scribblers, by Eric Burns, published in 2006. However, during the twentieth century there was a major wind change in journalistic philosophy to one of fair, balanced, and objective, and that is what the public has come to expect. While even those concepts can be very subjective, I think most responsible journalists make a sincere attempt. The SPJ has a lengthy and detailed Code of Ethics for journalists. While it's clearly voluntary, I believe most journalists like to think they abide by it. One of the tenets of that code is "Clarify and explain news coverage and invite dialogue with the public over journalistic conduct." If you read my original post, you will find nothing rude or antagonistic about it. It is simply a straightforward statement of some things that concern me. I was hoping to get some "dialogue" going on the issues, and the last thing I would expect of a professional journalist is a response like "so what if what I write is an editorial opinion or news reporting, . . . ." Maybe I'm old school, but I firmly believe that editorial opinion should be labeled as such. It differentiates for the readers between factual, objective reportage and material that may be colored by personal opinion. In the case of this particular article, I started reading with the expectation that I was reading a news article. As I got into it, it became apparent that it was opinion. Not only that, it is opinion written by someone with a personal connection. Another tenet of the SPJ Code of Ethics is "Avoid conflicts of interest, real or perceived." Ms. Taylor has a right to her opinions, and every right to publish them. But her response to any challenge or disagreement is to immediately go on the attack and accuse me of not living in reality. Her opinion is gospel, and not open to discussion or debate. That is usually the position taken by people unable to defend their position. So I'll make no further attempt.

Hank Ruark February 26, 2007 6:06 pm (Pacific time)

Rapid file/check shows have detailed analysis of this capture-effect on journalists under monopoly control in some media working situations, written several years ago for professional assignment. Will send as PDF for anyone ID'ing self via S-N. Was true,valid then and events since have proven it well.

Lela February 26, 2007 6:01 pm (Pacific time)

Hank, thank you for your feedback and support. It is difficult at times for me to remember there are those individuals who live in such a black and white world there is no room for anything in between - the gray area. I believe that is where reality lives - in that gray area.

JAFO; February 26, 2007 5:52 pm (Pacific time)

it's called biology.,it's bigger than we are!

Hank Ruark February 26, 2007 5:31 pm (Pacific time)

C-M et al: Greatest bugaboo in jrnlsm is longheld professional myth of "objective, balanced" reporting. No communication is possible without reliance on fact, life experience, emotion and professional rational judgment, all combined. Distortion and perversion reign widely as we see every day in other press and media. Label "Op Ed" is helpful but content and treatment is what makes the difference --and for me Lela's story needs no label to be valued as fair, honest, open, balanced, reasonable and rational explanation of extremely difficult situation. To which I must then add "disclosure": "Been there, done that", personally; and with family member in same situation. Go it, Lela !!

JIll February 26, 2007 3:35 pm (Pacific time)

Must be nice having friends in low places.

anonymous(for a reason) February 26, 2007 3:01 pm (Pacific time)

Lets discuss the Demeyer part of the article--having been in prison myself, I am fully aware that neither the parole system or society will grant much of a chance for a former con (we are still considered felons after we have completed our time). Might make an interesting article in itself.

Lela February 26, 2007 1:51 pm (Pacific time)

Boy, I sure would hate to live by your rules of no compassion, understanding, nor social justice. Guess we are just reading different pages of life. Everyone is entitle to their opinion and so what if what I write is an editorial opinon or news reporting, people can read both and still form their own opinions. So be it.

Curmudgeon February 26, 2007 11:09 am (Pacific time)

The first issue I have with this article is that it blatantly crosses the line between reporting and editorial opinion, and should be labeled as such. The second issue is that editorial opinion itself, and the chilling message it sends. That message is that it's acceptable to do something dishonest, unethical, or illegal as long as no one gets hurt. You ask "Has the public in anyway[sic] been damaged by this relationship?" You obviously think not, yet I and many others would disagree with you. Consider this hypothetical scenario: Fay Gentle goes to a bar and gets extremely drunk. She then gets in her car and drives home. She makes it home without getting arrested and no one is hurt. Does that make it acceptable? According to Ms. Taylor's logic it does.

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